all about the odds

Let me tell you something about yourself. You'll spend your life searching: for friends, searching for a good school, a good job, your dream house, the best places to travel to; you'll spend your days googling and reading through hundreds of pages, just to find that little something to define you. And you will find it. One day, you'll be a complete person: with flaws and demons and frustrations and memories and happy thoughts. 

Your only moment of peace will be the moment when instead of searching, you'll finally be found. No matter what dark corner of this world you ended up in during your search of the greater good, you will be found by this person : maybe by chance, maybe by mistake. 

And for them, you need to search for your power to fight, while you deserve for that person to fight as well. You deserve that someone who doesn't care about the odds, who will hope even when it seems like there are 99% chances you two won't make it. They'll stay by your side and together you'll make that shitty 1% be everything you need. If there's one thing I've learned in all these years studying math is that it's complex and complicated and so damn hated that the world doesn't give a crap about it. But your will to make something work? That's everything. That is what you're truly searching for. 

So the moment that one person seems to have found you -and you seem to have found them- fight. With all that's left in you. They're probably not even the right person, they'll probably end up leaving and it'll probably hurt. That 1% might get the best of you. But that's how you learn, that's how your search gains a purpose. And when you bump into that guy or girl with whom you fuck up the odds, that person who is an idealist when with you, because they see you in their furthest future, and they know all your dreams by heart, they buy you coffee just because you seem especially annoying today and they could live off your kisses and your sex; when you find them, you'll be thankful for all the times you fucked up, because now you know what it's like to have the odds with or against you. Suddenly, 1% turns into 100% and that's how easy all the math you've been studying gets replaced by feelings and the audacity with which they require to be felt.