How can people blindly believe in something that is not sure to exist? How can we put our trust in a greater force, naively thinking all the good comes from that? I've come to a point where i doubt everything I hear, I double check everything I see, I question everything I say or think. It's because nobody and nothing seems trust-worthy anymore. I'm becoming a hater, a frustrated person. But how could I remain ignorant and apathetic when faced with a world so mean, so tough?
How could I not question the potency of the law enforcement when I just read about a little girl who was raped by ten men and they barely got a punishment? How could I not be completely disgusted by the press when they write about how "she was dressed older than her age"? How could I frantically hope for love, believe in love, when in Dublin, a mother made her daughter (from when she was 4 until she was 9) have sex with different men for money? How the hell am I supposed to allow myself to have faith in this world and in humanity when I am fucking afraid of walking down the street at night by myself? How should I tell myself that it's okay when in fact, nothing is fucking okay? And please, I beg of you, tell me how could I not doubt God when I see all the shit that's happening all around, when I feel the hatred around me, when I notice the way people carelessly hurt and deceive and get nothing in return?
People are guilty of all the good they could have done and did not do. To me, it seems that we are more guilty of that than we are of the bad we do. So how does karma work? Does it even work at all? Am I better off spending my life chasing money and my own good rather than chasing the saving of this place we call home?
You see, these are questions that will forever be left without answer. (Except the last one. I'm starting to think the answer to the last question written above is "Yes- fuck, yes")
The facts are, we learn how to survive. We blindly believe in love and God and humanity because, truth is, we have no other choice.You can either fuck up your life by realizing that people suck, or you can look the other way: and that's not even ignorance, it's not lack of care, it's not apathy, it's not lack of compassion, it's not stupidity or indifference. It's the only way to not fall apart, to not blow up your mind with the over-thinking. And if you don't like the place, if you don't like the situation, you might try to be a little kinder, a little better, a little more helpful, but will ultimately see that the evil will always overcome the good. It doesn't mean you should stop being good, but it does mean you should stop hoping. Hope dies last? Yeah, right. It might seem awful of me to ask of you to give up on hope. But do you know what is worse than trying to change something, but not really hoping for it to happen? Trying to change something, filled with hope that proves to be false. If you still think that hope can save it all, good for you, I crave for your guileless. If you still hate the place too much, buy a rocket and move the fuck out, because it's all we have.
And I might seem deeply damaged, hopeless or damn broken, but at least I take my time to care and try to save something. I'm young, but not artless.